THE MAN I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

The idea of writing this post has been in my insomniac mind for a long time now. It took me lot of braveries to write this one. The simple thought of it used to give me headaches …but now …I am here …without any regret, I thank my black coffee and cigarettes…

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Twenty-five years ago

You came into my life

Made my life lively, vibrant, and colorful

Did we deserve…?

Of tying this knot of togetherness

You got the answer …only after three years

He was going to turn three

And she was about to come into our lives

It was supposed to be

…a life complete with contentment

But then I had to go…

I disappeared without a trace of my footsteps

…to lead you to me

Was it a mistake …I still don’t know

A wanderer in me …regretful of God’s blunder

But then who is to be blamed

For the man I was supposed to be

The man

…to fulfill your needs

…to satisfy your desires

But then who is to be blamed …it is Him?

For the man I was supposed to be

*

You have never seen me in person

Yet love me so much

Crave for my love …so indissoluble

Don’t blame yourself for all of this

The protection for you is abundant

These twist and turn in your life …very soon

Will make you content, satisfied, and buoyant

I love you so much

It twinges so gravely when I see you like this

You are one person

I regret I could never meet

You are the most beautiful

Precious part of me

It kills me to see how you feel about me now

I wish you could see me

But then who is to be blamed

For the father I was supposed to be

For you my loving daughter

Oh darling don’t be insecure

The love you get

Will never be less

Always be more

*

I’m so happy to see you

A handsome young man you have turned into

The empty space in your life

You filled it with these responsibilities

Which I disfavor …were enforced on you to obey

The pillar for her that I could never become

The fatherly duties that I could never implement

I see only you doing …my golden son

Without any repentance

I still wish to be there in your growing days

Introduce you to the things

Which came to you as revelation

The wrong things that could have been clogged

The experiences only to be shared

Between you and me

Came rancorous upon you

The hollowness in you …I can sense

Is all because of me

I hope you will forgive me

Never mourning these afflictions

Take care of your sister

Always love your mother

I will be there

Watching over you from afar

Yet to close …blessing you from above

Guiding you in all your endeavors

I consecrate you to be the man

For the man I was supposed to be ...could never become

* * * * *

Here I am

Watching all three of you

How I miss to be a segment of your lives

To be part of all escapades

*

Yet we will meet again

One fine day …which still is so far

Go now …find your own light

Before we meet again

Smiling and shining in delight

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